Positive Sucking

 One thing I have really embraced in the time away is positive sucking.  I live in my head a lot as a person and it becomes so very easy to spiral when you suck at so many things.  It does not matter if this is true or not, the perception of suck can cut you off at the knees and make progress really difficult.




My 'solution'/ coping mechanism/ current work in progress is positive sucking.  This is a reframing technique where you just accept the suck, but you add to it.  If I am planning a jumping round in my head, I might be worried about my shit riding. That is ok. I am allowed to be shit.  I just have to be shit that adds leg. Or be shit that is quiet at the base of the jump.  I accept the suck and I add one thing.  

  

This has really helped me in many places.  Yes, my brain is still actively sabotaging my ability to do the things, but yesterday I hauled my ass out to Cyclebar after a week with the flu.  I sucked.  AND I biked at my baseline for 45 minutes. I sucked.  AND I FINALLY figured out how to do 'tap backs' with my hips not my shoulders.  I sucked.  AND I saw my friends. I laughed.  I smiled. I cheered for others.  

In my lesson on Sunday, I could barely breathe. I most definitely sucked. I ended up having to trot into the jumps because I could not hold a nice light seat in the canter. AND I rode a full starter course with multiple oxers.  AND I was soft at the base.  AND I used my turns for a half halt.  AND Uno was jumping really nice with his shoulders.

Accepting that I am going to feel like I suck at so many things, and adding the AND.  Has really helped me focus on the positive.  Lew sucks at bending, AND we were able to do controlled straight 3 loop serpentines in our dressage arena.  The show on Sunday might suck, AND my pony can jump everything at a trot so we will get it done.  It is raining and miserable and wet and very very February, AND all the horses snuggled into dry stalls is so cozy and comforting.